There’s a term called “transference” that’s used in psychology. Transference occurs when a person experiences something in a previous relationship and the person projects that experience onto others. What makes this dangerous is that “transference” will often make the person unconsciously engage in behavior that causes them to create experiences they fear. For instance, a person who had a tough and controlling father grows up to resent, or fear authority figures. What can happen is that when that person gets a job and their boss gives them some constructive criticism at a 5 level, the person, who is extra sensitive, and expecting the same treatment from his boss that he received from his father hears the criticism at level 9. What’s tricky is that the person will unconsciously engage in behavior that leads to the very situation they fear or were trying to avoid.

Suppose that same person’s boss asks them to make a copy. The person making the copy is so nervous that he rushes to make it, but in his haste he makes a poor quality copy. The person then rushes and hands the copy to his boss. The boss looks at it and thinks to himself, “Why would they make such a poor quality copy?” The vicious cycle swings into motion, because the boss then tells them to make the copy quality a little better the next time. The boss’s level 5 comment is interpreted at a level 10 and instead of hearing a mild criticism or displeasure, the person hears: “You’re a jerk!” or “You cannot do anything right!” and the cycle just keeps on going…